By Rav Eliyahu Bakish
Mohel and Editor
Between the fear of an overly strict education and the fear of assimilation, parents wonder about the educational line to follow. Jewish folklore detached from any religious connotation does not educate to the respect of mitsvot.
Even returning home is not enough to ensure the transmission of a Judaism that combines fidelity to the precepts of the Torah and personal fulfillment. How can we meet the challenge of education, on which the continuity of the Jewish people depends? Obviously, the choice of a religious school is a determining factor, but the role of parents remains essential.
Educate according to the child’s abilities
The educator must take care to adapt to the age of the child. Let us detail: sometimes the synagogue is beautiful, the congregation friendly, the prayer melodious, the reading of the Torah perfect, the aperitif copious … and yet! Young people are rare. Why this lack of motivation? Some will say that in our time , they prefer the virtual to the real. Maybe they do! For my part, I would look for the cause of this plague in early childhood…
A case: a father brings his four-year-old son to Shabbat service. After a few minutes, the child can’t stand still. The father threatens to crack down… promises a reward… nothing happens. The angry father ends up taking the child home. When the request is inappropriate, the reaction will be just as inappropriate! Taking a child too young to synagogue is a serious mistake. He will remember it as a boring place where his father gets angry. I remember a rabbi who did not take his son to synagogue until he was eight years old. Today that son is a rabbi himself!
King Solomon teaches: “Educate the youth according to his way. Even when he grows old, he will not deviate [from good education]”[1] . The Mishnah[2] , the Talmud [3] and the tossaphistic teachers[4] all agree that every child should be educated in the practice of mitzvot according to his or her ability. This educational advice is also a halachic imperative: if according to the Torah, it is only from the age of religious majority (12 years for a girl, 13 years for a boy) that it is obligatory to conform to Jewish law, the Sages have imposed the respect of mitzvot as soon as the child is capable of it. As an indication, here is a list indicating the average age suitable for some mitzvot[5] .
As soon as he can speak, he is taught the Torah verses Tziva lanu Moshe, Moracha, Kehilat Ya’akov[6] and Shema Israel Hashem Elokeinu Hashem e‘had[7] .
3 years old: 1. the child understands the notions of what is allowed and what is not. He/she must be taught not to break the laws. 2. The child is able to perform ablutions (netilat yadayim). 3. Clean boys may wear a talit katan. 4. The child knows how to give; he will be provided with a michloa’h manot on Purim.
4 years old: We will accustom his boy to wearing the kipa.
5 years: 1. reading or repeating the Shema’ morning and evening 2. reading certain passages of the prayer 3. We educate the respect of laws related to consumption: some blessings, abbreviated birkat hamazone, shabbat meal, Purim feast, four glasses of grape juice at Pesach. 4. On Sukkot, staying and sleeping in the sukkah. 5. Counting the ‘omer every night.
6 years old: 1. the child integrates the notion of gratitude. In order to thank Hashem, we make him pronounce blessings before and after eating a food; read the Hallel. 2. On Pesach, the child is taught to eat a kazayit of matzah in less than seven minutes.
7 years old: 1. the child is able to pray the ‘amida. 2. on Rosh Hashanah he is taught to listen to the sounding of the chofar.
8 years old: It is good to teach the child the entire weekly parashah.
9 years: 1. On kippur, a perfectly healthy child may fast for a few hours. Before this age, even a child in perfect health should not fast. 2. 9 Av: it is explained that on this day the two temples of Jerusalem were destroyed. To mark the occasion, people are taught not to wash, not to wear leather shoes and to abstain from sweets.
11 years old: At kipour a child in perfect health will be able to fast completely.
12 years old: After eating meat, the child is taught to wait before taking dairy products (6 or 3 hours, depending on the custom). Before this age, one hour of waiting is enough. Some people recommend one hour between 3 and 5 years old, 3 hours between 5 and 10 years old and 6 hours beyond.
The Bat or Bar Mitzvah: the end of parental education?
The importance of education in the early years of life is emphasized by our Sages[8] . They teach that from the time of religious majority onwards the main part of the education is acquired. There is no longer any real halachic obligation to educate[9] . Parents will continue to counsel, guide and sometimes even reprimand their child if necessary[10] . It is particularly incumbent on parents to guide their child between the ages of sixteen and twenty-four, beyond which the fully independent young adult would risk rebelling against his or her educator[11] .
Let’s not forget that love, patience and parental example contribute to the success of mitzvot education and family happiness. Obviously, the method “do as I say, not as I do!
© R’ Eliyahu Bakish, 2022 [12]
FOOTNOTES
[1] Mishle 22.6. חֲנֹ֣ךְ לַ֭נַּעַר עַל-פִּ֣י דַרְכּ֑וֹ גַּ֥ם כִּֽי-יַ֝זְקִ֗ין לֹֽא-יָס֥וּר מִמֶּֽנָּה
[2] Avot 5, 22.
[3] Sukkah 42a.
[4] Sukkah 28b, ‘Arakhin 2b.
[5] Yarun Vesamea’h, Yosef Yalkut on education, Sefer Hakashut.
[6] Devarim 33,4.
[7] Devarim 6:4.
[8] See also Avot 4:25.
[9] Talmud Nazir 29b. Magen avraham on Shulchan arukh 225, 2 (5).
[10] Mishnah Berura 225, 2 (7).
[11] Shulchan Chaim Harav, Laws of Torah Study 1:6.
[12] The author performs weddings, is a mohel and a publisher (halachic collection Dérekh mitsvotékha; website brit-milah.com).